It was months before I was informed second hand that his father had died. He was jailed and couldn't attend the funeral. I asked my self if anyone thought to request he be allowed to attend, and I asked myself that every day until I decided it was time I insert myself in his life. No one has been proactive on his behalf because they say he 'scares' them. His most trusted ally gave him up to the police, and the staff who is supposed to be trained to act in his best interest failed like a school kid faced with bullies. They have all failed him. And yet he continues to try, to hope and put forth effort in a place that is violent and neglectful to him all at the same time.

I speak of a son. This son I chose to place for adoption oh so many years ago trusting that those I had chosen would do what I had been told I couldn't do as well because i was alone, is alone, parentless. Today it is excruciatingly clear that had I been supported as a pregnant woman, the way those who do it 'legitimately' are, I would have done just fine. I and any mother wanting to mother is ENTITLED to the same support as any woman.

We do not understand the will of God as well as we understand our own will, when we are forced to treat others with a modicum of compassion and less judgmental childishness straight from the annals of Hallmark, those in the market place trying to take over societal righteousness because they spend so much time afraid would be faced with growth, the kind which grows people. Fear is devastating us on the whole. People who require compassion are being thrown to the gutters all across this nation, and my son is one of them. And it is done willfully, like small children who pound their fists on the floor, we willfully choose to throw people away because they 'scare' us.

He may be mentally challenged, and then again he may be altered by the system that is piss poor at diagnosis and only treats those who hold a full and fruitful account able to meet the hourly charge. Don't misunderstand me however, there are those who now work a state system for largess at the expense of those who can not advocate on their own behalf, and you. You know who you are. I request you take yourself to young Lanza's funeral, and face your work result. Anyone in mental health, who is responsible for the well being of someone who lives differently than another recognized as sane and normal, must stand up. It's time.

Now we live through the systems continued assault on this young man. There was a problem with a roomate, the police were called. The police dropped him off in front of, or near, a state hospital and then drove away. The staff who was supposed to be trained to interact with someone presenting challenges, called his mother when he showed back up 'at home', Mom told the staff, hey, if you are afraid for your life, call the police.. after all they are so much more able to adequately interact with the mentally challenged. I know. I'm angry. I'm struck in the heart by an arrow I loosed when I succumbed to the pressure to conform.

Now, all these years later I've learned NOT to conform. It's were the mediocre hang out fucking with our lives.

He was deemed in violation of probation and put in county jail to 'serve out his term'. Funny isn't it. He serves out his term every day of his life and our system thinks because he hurts himself in this anti mental patient society, he should pay for that by going to prison. Arpaio's canvas prison that all of the phone propaganda touts as world renowned.

Not in my world. It's clear that something is very wrong with us as a people, and the sooner we accept this and stop calling these human beings, monster... the sooner we'll out the real monster.

Step up. This is happening all across our country. if you care.